I am walking around with a tender heart today

Why we need community

“Hey girl, what can I bring to the party on Saturday? I’m available to cook! Or bake! I’d love to! Chocolate chunk cookies? Pasta salad?…Put me to work!” my friend Molly texted me. “Lean on us…you need a squad!”

My oldest child graduated from high school this week and we were having a grad party for him this weekend.

“I will get into town on Tuesday and be there all week!” My friend Maria said.

“I’ll come and clean bathrooms,” my friend Judy told me over coffee last week.

“I’ll bake or make anything you need,” my friend Colleen said.

“Need us to pick up anything on the way?” My aunt texted me.

One evening last week, I was on a walk with my dog Sherlock talking to my friend Kelly on the phone telling her about all these friends and more asking to help and she said, “Lisa, you have what your heart has always wanted: a community of dear ones who love you and your family so much, who all just jump in and love you.”

I stopped right there on the corner of the street our house in on and I felt it: yes, I do have what my younger mom self longed for!

When we moved to Maryland from Boston 20 years ago, I was so lonely. When we started to have children and in the early years of parenting, I longed for a close-knit community of friends and family. After the kiddos were in bed, I’d sit on the couch with Brian and cry about longing in my heart for the kinds of connections that my soul knew was necessary.

Slowly - over time and with lots of ups and downs - we made deep connections. Some of those connections have lasted decades, some were lovely but faded, some were hopeful but disappointing, and some are new and beautiful.

But standing on that street corner with my dog’s leash in one hand and my phone in the other talking to my brilliant friend Kelly, I acknowledged the loveliness of our life. Through all the ups and downs and the enduring friendships - we are loved.

Wow. And then the grad party. I was so nervous. Yes, I am an “extrovert with social anxiety!” I love people, can talk to anyone, love to have people over our house, but I can get anxious! When I told that to my friend Molly she said, “It’s a big deal having people over. Throwing a party for so many people is a different beast!” I felt better!

People walked into our house, gathered and chatted, watched the video my husband and daughter put together of our son, mingled, ate good food, played games, and ate cake. And I walked around with a tender heart but happy heart.

That’s how I’m walking around these days - with a tender and happy heart. We are celebrating the end of an era for our son — our oldest graduating with the highest of honors and heading off to college and onto some big adventures even next semester. My oldest is a young man! He’s leaving the nest! My mama heart is tender — and also happy.

I have kept a journal for my son since before he was born. Throughout the last 19 years, I’ve written to him. And over the last week, I’ve been rereading the journals - before I give them to him. And oh my gosh, the tears! Reading all the stories I remember and also had forgotten, the tiny everyday moments and also the adventures, the tough times and the joyful and delightful times — my heart is so tender.

And now, soon, it’s time to end that era of journaling to my son throughout his childhood. I don’t know if I’ll continue as he ventures out into the world. All I know is that this era is ending. Soon, I’ll give him the journals. I don’t know if he’ll care to read them now or think it’s a big deal. “But he will some day,” my wise younger child said to me.

My heart is tender. I am walking around with a tender heart.

Even as I type this, I am tearing up.

the Inner Critic - oh still present but often softer now - starts to ask, “Do you think anyone will really get something out of reading this story?”

But the Wise One within me just says, “Share anyway.”

So I am.

So world, if you are out and about in the world, and you see a mama tearing up in line at CVS or out on a walk with her dog, she just might be one of the millions of moms sending her high school graduate out into the world and she is reviewing her whole parenting journey and she her anxiety is running high as she hopes her kiddo is safe and happy and the world is kind to them.

She might be a new mom like I was 18 years ago, pushing along a stroller with a newborn and just barely holding it together.

She might be a wife or daughter or sister who just lost her husband, parent, or sibling.

And I don’t mean to leave out all other genders, either. When it comes down to it, everyone could use some more love.

We never know what another person is going through, do we?

What if we all just be a bit more patient and understanding out there? For we are all carrying something - we are all walking around with tender hearts. Even if we are happy - so many of our hearts are tender.

Be kind to someone out there. Who knows - they may even become part of your squad - your community - who holds you when your heart is tender. That kind of friendship could start today. And, all of us need those kinds of people around us who can be with us in the tender, hard, and also happy times. They might call you and ask you, “What do you need? Cookies? Pasta salad? Bathrooms cleaned? I’m there.”

And you might get to do the same.

That’s what life is all about - showing up and loving each other through it all.

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Let’s end with a poem:

The Inner World of Another Human Being

The truth is that
we don’t know the inner world
of another human being.
We don’t know their particular
story, grief, or pain.
We tend to take it personally,
when really, they are just
trying to get through the day.

Instead of a critique, a harsh look,
or a defensive posture,
offer a blessing.
Extend compassion.
Give space for others
to be imperfect.

Lisa McCrohan, © 2021
Your Light is Rising

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For more guidance into compassion, peace, and love, check out these resources:

10 Day Self-Love Challenge

12 Day Joy Challenge

Healing & Preventing Burnout On-demand workshop

Free Meditations on Insight Timer

My two books: Gems of Delight and Your Light is Rising

Blessings,

Lisa