When You Don't Know Your "Why" Anymore

the view from our deck out back. i spend a lot of time walking in that park in the park in the background with the mountains around me!

I don't have a why anymore when it comes to my writing. And that feels really strange.

You're supposed to have a why in life - an intention, a purpose - right? Simon Sinek made a whole movement around the "what's your why" question - have a purpose, direction, mission so you don't aimlessly drift in life.

I used to have a why when it came to my writing - create a more compassionate world. Inspire delight, compassion and connection through soulful stories and poetry.

Several years ago, that why led me to gather my writings into a books and see them in print.

The why was strong and the expression of that why was clear.

Not so much anymore. For the past year, I am not clear why I am writing anymore. Of course I still care about the world, I still believe in the power of connection, and I'll always be about delight. But the glimmer and clarity are gone when it comes to my why (and what and how) for writing.

I talk to clients often about having a why when it comes to the season they are in, a career choice, or a big change they want to make in their lives.

A why grounds you. In hard times, it helps you to dig deep and keep going. When the world is so noisy and could easily pull you into its orbit of distraction and numbing, a why focuses you. Having a why gives meaning to the mess and clarity to the chaos. It reminds you of who you are and where you’re going. It steadies you when you want to give up.

My body has a why for why I do yoga, walk, bike, ski, and strength train: I love it, I want to be fit and flexible and feel good in my body, and I want to be able to move my body and feel good when I am in my 90s.

That why keeps me going, gets me up in the morning, and gets me out moving my body.

I have a why for the way we parent, for where we live, for my relationships, for the work I do - for so many areas of my life.

But right now, for writing? No.

For a year now (that’s a long time, folks!), I have been asking my heart and soul, "What's my why for writing now?"

I still don't know.

Maybe you, too, are in a similar place. Maybe you used to feel so certain about something or someone, and lately you have been questioning it. Maybe what used to light you up just doesn't anymore.

---

Why don't you have a “why?” And what do you do if your “why” just isn't there anymore?

One possibility you don't have a why right now is this: maybe you’re exhausted.

Maybe your why is buried under layers of overgiving, overdoing, and too many small betrayals of your own needs.

This has been true for me. You can read about some of my story of recovering from burnout here.

When we are in burnout - or headed toward it - life loses its vibrancy. Our creativity, vitality, and joy feel dull. Our purpose gets fuzzy.

Recently, I gave a talk on healing from burnout for an organization. Then I kept hearing my clients talk about burnout. So I made an online course, Preventing and Healing Burnout, for those who feel the tired in their bones and are unsure how to thrive again. You can check it out here.

Another possibility for why your why is changing (and feels absent) right now: you are being called into something new and different - and it's not here yet.

Your soul is guiding you to focus your attention in a different way. I know for me in this last year, every time I asked the Divine about my writing, I kept hearing, "Just enjoy your life. Get outside. Enjoy moving your body."

I got nothing about writing!

I finally caught on and decided just to listen. I have oriented my attention toward embodying more fun, enjoyment and pleasure.

It's been delightful in so many ways. I'll have to write some future posts about fun and what that does for a body and soul.

So if your why has faded or is fuzzy, maybe you, too, are being called to put your attention into something else - and even though you reallllllly want to have that meaning and purpose so very clear, right now something else in your life may need attention.

That leads me into this: even thought I haven't known my why for writing for a whole year, and though I would love to be super clear and purposeful, there is something that runs deeper than knowing your meaning and purpose: trust.

A deep current of trust flows in me. Somehow, I trust that God's got me. I trust that I actually AM being guided. I trust that it's all for good - my own good and my service to the world.

Surprisingly to my "usually anxious" brain that likes certainty and clarity, this deep trust has brought me a lot of peace. I actually feel…free.

So why do I keep writing when my why for writing is not clear?!

I don't know! And though "I don't know!" isn't "meme worthy" nor sexy for social media, I know that being in the unknown and trusting in something sacred will teach me something and will guide me in benevolent ways that I can't name yet.

So maybe you, too, are in a season of “I don’t know.”

Maybe your why has grown quiet because your body and spirit are calling you to place your attention on somewhere else.

Maybe you are being called to wait and be patient.

Maybe the clarity will return, or maybe something completely new will rise up in a form you can’t imagine yet.

Maybe you are being invited to live without the why, direction, and clarity for awhile.

Maybe you are being called to let go of the pressure to be clear and productive and instead listen to a deeper rhythm that honors rest, embodiment, pleasure, and joy.

This has been true for me.

I’ve always leaned on meaning and purpose as my compass. I like being clear, being intentional, knowing why I’m doing something. But for the past year, clarity hasn’t been the thing I’ve been given. Instead, I’ve been invited into trust.

And trust, oddly, has brought peace.

Trust in the Divine. Trust in my body. Trust in timing.

Trust that my desire to serve and contribute hasn’t gone anywhere - it’s just in a different phase. Quieter. More internal. Less about striving. More about living.

And strangely, beautifully, I think that is its own kind of purpose.

Maybe, dear friend, there is joy and even peace to be found in not having a why right now.

---

A Somatic Practice for When Your “Why” Has Gone Quiet

Find a place to sit or lie down.

Place one hand on your lower belly and one hand on your heart.

Invite your spine to lengthen.

Allow your jaw soften.

Take a few full, slow breaths.

Take a moment and bring to mind something you just don't know anymore - something that you do not have a why for anymore.

Notice if you would reallllllllly love clarity! Name that, if that's what's here.

Then name (even out loud), "Yeah, I don't know right now." And just see how it is to admit that.

Okay it. Okay not knowing.

Ask for guidance. Ask for anything you need and want, actually.

Ask for your eyes and heart to be open.

Ask, "Where do you want my attention right now?" And see what arises.

---

Let’s end with a poem:

You’ll Know

Darling, I know it’s hard

to be in the unknown –

to be in between what was

and what is still to come.

But your soul knows.

You will be guided.

Just keep trusting.

Keep following your heart.

Keep leaning into your truth.

Keep honoring the sacred wisdom

of your body.

You’ll know.

Lisa McCrohan © 2021